growth.

Someone once told me to picture life as a train. Some people are only on your train for a ride, but they will eventually get off at their stop. You can’t force them to stay on; you must open the door. Maybe they will get back on at another stop, or maybe they are done riding your train. Either way, the train will keep moving.

And you will keep growing.

I lost so many people to growth. Whether it was there’s or mine, at the time, one of us was not ready for the change.

Growth is this beautiful thing, right? It’s celebrated and admired. You came up. You’re not the same person you used to be. But growth can also hurt, especially when you lose those people who you thought would be a part of your life forever. I lost my best friend to it.

Even the title “best friend” diminishes the bond. I trusted her, and for me trust is not easily given. I shared my trauma with her. Celebrated my successes with her. Our bond was so precious that when she randomly disappeared my heart was broken.  I was hurt for a long time. It still stings a little today. I fought for our friendship. I reached out, with no response time and time again until I had to move on to protect my spirit. Time passed, and she finally called. She told me that she felt that I was growing and leaving her behind, so she stopped communicating to work on getting herself together. Unfortunately, when she was ready to talk, I was no longer the same person I was way back when. I never stopped. My train kept going. And I am so in love with who I have become.

That experience taught me that although you may lose people, you should never check out on yourself. You must keep pushing, keep growing. And make sure you give yourself time. I believe that my old friend was comparing her journey to others and did not like where she was on her path. One thing I have realized is that people grow at different rates. Move at different speeds. Jump to different heights. I’m learning to be patient with myself. I can have high expectations of myself, but I’m not about to base those expectations on the achievement of others. I celebrate them and I sing my own praise.

I hope you sing yours too.

Xoxo

Sandra Renee

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